I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize