A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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