What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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