i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize