it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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