just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize