i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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