Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize