I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize