Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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