I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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