I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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