9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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