he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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