he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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