haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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