so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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