I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize