Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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