Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize