3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize