but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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