The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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