dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
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Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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