I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize