I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize