Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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