he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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