I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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