I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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