I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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