Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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