Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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