well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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