I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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