i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize