he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize