There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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