cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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