just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize