im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize