i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize