You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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