Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize