its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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