who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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