hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize