I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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