Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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