If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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