You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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