you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize