i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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