I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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